playing with 2012

Guys, something weird is happening to me. I’m doing the whole ‘new year as a fresh start, woo!’ thing, and I’m really getting into it.

The transition between years in the past usually just felt like a continuation, more of the same. There isn’t much inspiration in that.

But this year, something is up, and I totally feel it. It feels like magic and possibility. I have strong urges to make room before the new year starts to make playful decisions about how I want it to go and how I want it to feel.

It feels like big changes are afoot. And they are already brewing in action. This past week I’ve been experimenting with new patterns, new rituals, new thoughts. I’m honing in on my values. Really, these changes have been brewing for months.

It seems to me that simply writing a list of better habits to implement or deciding that certain things aren’t going to hold you back anymore is really risky. And uninspiring, even if you decorate it with glitter and stick it up on your wall.

Because what makes you any more ready to implement these things than the year before? Are you just trying to push yourself into something you’re not ready for? And if you’re not ready, what’s the likelihood of using the fact that you didn’t stick to it as an excuse to beat yourself up?

Pretty great, if you’re me, at least.

Instead, what have you already been working towards? What have you learned this year? What does your soul feel you’re ready for? How do you want to feel in the new year? What inspires you?

Start there.

I can tell what’s soul and what’s a nasty inner push by how it feels when I think about the thing I’m thinking about doing.

Soul feels expansive, playful, loving, strong, and sometimes cringy, too (that’s my resistance protesting the growth here).

A nasty inner push feels icky, disconnected from myself, rough and wrong.

The ideas I’m playing with for the new year sounds similar to the stuff I’ve been trying to “get myself to do” for years now. I remember reading lists of other people’s goals for the new year and feeling incredibly overwhelmed. Now I’m thinking that if they achieved what they wanted, it wasn’t through sheer force and willpower (and if it was, then I’d be seriously concerned about their health), but through inner trust, stamina, and a compassionate understanding of their capabilities.

So even though I’ve wanted to integrate the bones of my ideas for 2012 into my life for ages, the difference for me now is my feeling about them, my momentum, my awareness of my self-sabotage and its tricks, the genuine sense of play and curiosity and experimentation.

And the difference is my trust that even if nothing works out like I’d planned, that will work out just fine, too. It’s okay if I find I’m not ready yet.

For right now, I feel totally ready. And that won’t mean everything will turn out exactly exactly as I wanted it to, but I’m ready to head down this path and see what I find.