In trying to find my personal style, I’ve flailed about more than I care to admit. I’m still flailing. I think that’s because of a couple of reasons.
- I’m so bombarded with other people looking good in certain clothes that it skews what I think about what looks and feels good on me.
- I’ve looked for style guidance in the wrong places – in shops, blogs, magazines, on other people – when I’d do better to look at my own closet, to really consider what looks good on me, and to learn about colour theory and personal style principles.
- I’ve spent my whole life learning not to trust my instincts. That makes it easy to lose sight of my inherent ability to know what works and what doesn’t. I think in many ways we already know what we feel good in (vs. what we want to feel good in because it looks nice on someone else), it’s just that doubt and all this other junk gets in the way.
If I thought about these things in even an eighth of all the time I’ve ever spent clothes shopping, I bet I would have had a smaller, smarter wardrobe that I loved a million times more than the one I had.
A few weeks ago I checked out a book from the library called Style Statement by Danielle LaPorte and Carrie McCarthy. It’s a workbook for learning what you’re drawn to and why, what to avoid, and how to focus your unique style so you can live with it in mind. It’s been a great help in cutting through the crap and being able to put more of a finger on my true personal style. I didn’t use the book as fully as I could have because there were lots of questions and I didn’t have the stamina to keep motivated, but it’s still an awesome resource.
Check out this video with the authors. It really echoes what I think about living authentically and the importance of knowing what the authentic you looks like.
Here are some things I learned, and need to explore more fully in relation to my wardrobe:
- My absolute favourite textures are natural, like soft to medium shades of wood, cream colours and brown. And I adore them accented with colours like orange, blue, turquoise, olive. (But there’s barely any of that in my clothes. My closet’s mostly drearily coloured, actually.)
- Having realised the above point, my instinct is shouting to me that I don’t feel great in black, as it’s the opposite of the naturals I described. But black is all over my closet. I’m even wearing it right now. Because what kind of preposterous thing is that, to not like to wear black. Especially in Melbourne. I’m still reluctant to accept that I don’t like it, and am half-telling myself that black is still good for me.
- I have a real distaste for red that I’ve been ignoring because I liked the idea of red.
- Many of the clothes I made for Heidi & Seek weren’t my style. I was too focused on being colour crazy and 100% quirky and that wasn’t me. Maybe that’s one reason it had to end. (As a side note, I’m thinking at some point I might like to make and sell clothing again on the side of my main shiny biz idea. And if I do, the style – particularly colours used – will be different to Heidi & Seek. More me.)
Even if you can’t get your hands on the book, a huge takeaway I got from it is this.
Honestly and authentically. Something you love will make you feel strengthened and good and whole.
And if you can’t figure it out why you love something or it just feels kind of hollow, then you probably don’t love it. That’s the crap getting in the way. Maybe you truly think it’s just okay, and so it deserves to exist in your world, but maybe not to have an entire outfit, or half your wardrobe, devoted to it. We need lots of what we love, not lots of blah.
So I’m learning to trust what I feel.
I would love to hear your thoughts about personal style – your own or in general – in the comments below. Do you feel you’ve got a good grasp of your personal style? Is your closet you? Can you see ways to improve it?
I absolutely LOVE this post on personal style. It echoes a lot of the ideas I speak about on my blog and what I tell people when I take them out on styling trips.
It is so important to understand what looks good to you and why. I feel like the biggest issue is that when people finally start understanding what they want, it’s somewhat difficult to find. Like a chore.
This is the premise of the work that I do every day and looking forward sharing it with the world.
Excellent post!!
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Thank you!
That means a lot coming from a stylist. At some point in my life I would love to do styling on the side, teaching this stuff to my kind of people. But that’s a long way off.
I think I’m fortunate in that narrowing down my choices is really great, because I had way too much to choose from before. I can see how it might be a problem for some people though.
I’m going to check your blog to see how you got started styling.
I love this post. because I have had the same thing happen to me over the past little while.
Unlike you.. I LOVE the quirky the loud the strange.. and I have always ( up until recently) dressed far more demurely than I wanted to.
great post!
nicely said.:)
Ngaire
x
Thank you. And that’s a really interesting contrast!
I think there is a particular kind of quirky that I adore, but before I was going too full-ball with it, matching clashy bold colours and whatnot.
I don’t have a personal style. One day maybe I will figure it out…it’s also harder being a bigger girl, even if I do find something I like it usually doesn’t come in my size or look even remotely ok on me.
Have you thought about seeing an image consultant?
I never thought it’d be worthwhile until I looked it up yesterday. But they help you learn what looks good on you and take you shopping. So you get their expert knowledge about how to shop, and come away with clothes you know will look good on you.
If I was struggling with my personal style (fortunately I feel like I can work it out myself) I’d definitely consider saving up.
You’re not paying for the clothes, even, you’re paying for the confidence.
As a cheaper option I found this e-book online called Wardrobe Magic. It’s only $24USD. After looking into the author and checking out some of her free stuff, it looks like it would be useful.
Thanks for this Hayley. It’s great to think about. I’ve been to buy most of my clothes from Op-shops and I find I’m often buying clothes I don’t wear. So I’m going to try to make a few notes about what you’ve mentioned.
The hardest thing I find is getting work clothes that are my style but that also follow the guidelines for my workplace. Recently I gave in to the uniform shirt (which is optional). But it’s really not my style. I find I’m always wearing clothes to work that aren’t really me and I don’t really feel good in. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks
Bec
I’m glad this helped you, and I really relate to buying clothes but not wearing them! (Especially op shopped ones, they’re so cheap.)
I think job one is to figure out your colours. I posted here about what I did to figure mine out, and it’s made such a HUGE difference to how I think about style.
It’s like, I knew that I really liked these colours before, but I didn’t really pay much attention, or give myself permission to like them all. I stuck with the colours that weren’t working because it was habit, without thinking about it.
Here is another useful link with a quiz thing on finding your colours. The palette it gave me was pretty spot on. But pay more attention to your instinct than the results.
I think if you found a work shirt that’s in your best colour (hopefully you’re allowed?), you’d feel better. Otherwise, even a necklace in your best colour would help, if you can’t move very much on the rest of your outfit.
Hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you have more questions.
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Hi Hayley!
Style is an area of personal growth that I’m definitely making more of an effort about; using my personal style to more truly reflect my me-ness.
I’m with ngaire, I’m drawn to vibrant, eccentric clothes but I’ve been guilty of stifling that or not consistently making an effort to express that.
I too find colours that I don’t really like in my wardrobe- too much grey!
I’m working on attempting DIY’s and customising clothes to my liking.
Hi Hayley! I found you via Minnado and Zoe re: your post on your relationship to buying stuff. It resonated with me, as I’ve been thinking and writing about this as well. I’ve been poking around and I wanted to tell you how much I love your blog! I look forward to following you forward. I’m even considering the ethical clothing pledge. It certainly aligns with what I believe, I’m not sure I’m ready to take the plunge yet.
But moreso, I wanted to tell you how much I love this particular post. I started my blog in an effort to find my personal style which lead me to sewing, and this post encapsulates so much of why a personal style is important (and all the things that get in the way). I checked out the book from my library and I’m loving it. Who knows if I’ll maintain the stamina to get through it as well, but it’s totally eye-opening in terms of thinking of style as an authentic and consistent reflection of you. Thanks for the inspiration!
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